Sun sign horoscopage 21st-27th September 09

Well, I don’t know about you lot, but I’m in a foul mood after last week’s kickabout.

The week starts with a seconds out, round gazillion between Mars and Venus. They get off on it, and it sells a lot of paperbacks. Besides, Venus knew perfectly well what would happen when she came out in that frock. It’s the same every time Pluto lets her go through his wardrobe.

Light meets dark on Tuesday. Libra is busy sorting it out into zebra crossing stripes, while Mercury and Saturn argue over who is John and who is Paul. Uranus chucks the George sitar, and pretends to be Ringo in a psychedelic articulated eighteen wheeler.

Wednesday finds the Sun miffed that Pluto won’t let him rootle inside his wardrobe too—it hardly seems fair. He finally asks Jupiter to give the planetoid a good beating, but the gas giant is busy on the Wii, and really, if a mass of incandescent gas with a diameter of 864938 miles can’t fight his own battles by now.

***

Aries

They see the glint of a blade on Monday, but think it’s a trick of the light or too much caffeine. Please put it away, though. They’ll never think you’re perfect. Get over it and get doing. You do that so well.

Taurus

Look, whatever the urge this week you do NOT have permission to wear a burry jumper, stick a finger in your ear, and sing through your nose. Doing so will summon a harmonising chorus of D.I.V.O.R.C.E. And no beer. Understand?

Gemini

This week, I was with a group of young children as they voted by majority to change the name of an eight-sided shape from octagon to spidagon, in honour of the first eight-legged creature they thought of. This would work equally well for spitet, spitave, spidahedron, spituplets, or any other spidad.  It could, however, confuse the whole Spiderman / Doc Ock, superhero/ nemesis thing a bit. As we move closer to Spitober, Gemini, remember that although it’s fine to change an old prefix for a new, keep the distinction between good and evil nice and clear. Your Octosense is tingling.

Cancer

Those people who use long vowels to discuss evolved souls? Does wanting to thump them round the head with a comedy plank of wood mean your soul’s unevolved, or you’re just all-round nice to know? This week’s not one for answers to that, but midweek you’ll certainly apply yourself to the thinking.  To me, to you.

Leo

Shiny things or textbooks?  Textbooks or shiny, shiny, oh so shiny things? Funds only go so far; there’s always Cut and Paste.

Virgo

If you’re reading this, there’s a roughly 500:1 chance it’s your birthday on Monday. Mars in your house of friendships semi-square a first house Venus means there is a tension when a friend from over some water hasn’t got her act together enough to post you a pressie; simultaneously, however, the lovely lady trines Pluto in your house of fun, so you can be content that something pleasant will reach you eventually. In the meantime, whatever your prescribed style sheet, I give you permission to use Oxford commas and semi-colons until your heart sings a birthday song. (I’m good, aren’t I.)

Libra

Monday has an encounter with a right pain in the arse. I promise that on Tuesday your scales will return to perfect balance, so if you want to swing them down sharply on his snippy head on Monday, nobody’s looking and I won’t tell.

Scorpio

Early in the week there will be an opportunity to persuade that friend to do that thing. Equinox, though, means equal night. Take turns.

Sagittarius

A good leader, like the best mattress, is unnoticed, invisibly supportive until some smartarse comes along with a pea. Mush, mush.

Capricorn

The Sun moves into Libra on Tuesday. Your ruler is exalted in Libra, which is as good as it sounds. There’s stuff to be harvested—the planning of which is far simpler than the execution, but still—you can really get some shit done this week.

Aquarius

‘5 a Day’ ’60 Active Minutes’… Who makes all this up? Doesn’t it all seem arbitrary to you? Fruit and veg are good for you. Eat them. Duh.  Kids who are blutacked by the bottom in front of a console could do with moving a bit more.  Move a bit more then, kids. Double duh. Watch out that later in the week, Aquarius, you don’t alienate yourself by befuddling your gift for simple common sense with the dogmatically daft. Sixty a day can turn into a very active five minutes.

Pisces

Yeah, they could pick on you on Wednesday. You know who they are. You need this kick up the bum, because it’s an excellent time to start properly planning that change you’ve been grousing about needing but otherwise doing absolutely nothing about. That one. Don’t worry, you’re not an ugly duckling, whatever they say, you’re a swan. Or a really ugly duckling.

*

21st - 27th September 09*

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8 Responses to “Sun sign horoscopage 21st-27th September 09”


  1. 1 Gruff September 19, 2009 at 9:29 pm

    No beer!
    I promise a totally lack of folky beardy wierdy arseholeness

    Promise promise promise

  2. 2 Sats September 20, 2009 at 12:10 pm

    I am a Scorpio. I have to ask who let you into my mind??? hee.

  3. 3 Anth September 20, 2009 at 2:01 pm

    I am using the birthday prerogative to ban semi-colons in newsprint. It’s for the common good. Cake for all. (Wondering why I thought was a good idea to schedule final rabies jab for Monday. Pluto poised to let loose the rabid squirrels of hell? Yep)

    • 4 distractedastrologer September 20, 2009 at 2:26 pm

      Hmm. See, Anth, if you don’t use just one semi-colon the birthday won’t work. Neither will the jab. I don’t make the rules. Just don’t print your work off; keep the semi-colon as pixels on a screen.

  4. 5 Anth September 20, 2009 at 3:22 pm

    Do I have to? I really don’t like semi-colons. Their undeclared intent is to slow the pace of prose. (Much like the herds of slow-moving tourists clogging Embra’s streets)

    • 6 distractedastrologer September 20, 2009 at 3:40 pm

      The choice is yours. Free Will and all that. I just happen to know that the rabid squirrels of hell dislike semi-colons more than you do; to use one would definitely keep them at bay. Besides, would you want to start your next year knowing you’d made a delightful piece of punctuation cry?

  5. 7 Amy Herring September 22, 2009 at 5:29 pm

    This is hilarious. I was just sent your website by Julie, a friend of yours. I’ve just started my blog at heavenlytruth.typepad.com. I’d love to do a reciprocal link with you if you like. Love your work!

    • 8 distractedastrologer September 22, 2009 at 6:21 pm

      Thanks Amy. I enjoyed your Patrick piece; what a way to get caught up in the SA UR opp. Good luck with your blog. I’ll be happy to link when my blogroll’s up and … rolling. Blogily.

      (If Julie is Julie From School tell her I’m sorry, I didn’t realise it was live, and I hope it grew back. The eighties were merciless.)


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