Sun Sign Horoscopage: Out of Office Autoreply 26th October –8th November 2009

It’s all over the place for famiglia Distracted. I’m not packed, haven’t checked the flights, and the Euro exchange rate has my Capricorn 2nd House Moon hiding under a cushion, whimpering something about nearly eight quid for a beer. To coax it out I’m having a double economy: two weeks in one, a phrase a day, below. Marc Edmund Jones has his head in his hands.

I predict I’ll be back as normal but very, very poor and wondering where to hide that hideous over-glazed cruet set daub-painted in a vomit splat of lemons and olives which seemed like such a good idea at the time, ah the memories, the weekend of 7th-8th November, to wreck your week beginning Monday 9th. Distractions allowing. Ciao.

Until then, below below, please help my 3rd House Mercury in Aquarius do a last minute language-learning dash by reading your sign’s specially selected phrasebook life guidance. Grazie.

(Eight quid!)

*

Monday 26th October — Uses of Webcams 101

Tuesday 27thMore cakes for Elvis.

Wednesday 28th Not waving but drowning. Or drowning whilst waving? Try waving less and not-drowning more.

Thursday 29th Double-glazed roaring.

Friday 30th Ready, aim, knock and run.

Saturday 31stSellotape the letterbox, your treats are rubbish.

Sunday 1st November—Fish, chips, and mushy peas on your shoulder. And a gherkin.

Moonday 2ndBig fat bull in a snit.

Marsday 3rdTalking ears off creates a homeless earring problem.

Mercuryday 4thYou’ve lost it. Deny everything.

Jupiterday 5thThe collective noun for bankers is ‘wunch’.

Venusday 6th Reverse parallel parking buggers hubcaps.

Saturnday 7th Alluding to the size of one’s penis by raising an eyebrow.

Sunday 8thTilting at windfarms.

*

Aries

È un furto.

Taurus

Vorrei prenotare un tavolo per stasera?

Gemini

È la chiave sbagliata.

Cancer

Mi scusi, ho sbagliato camera.

Leo

Scusi, mi sono chiuso fuiri.

Virgo

Potrebbe cambiare la cerniera lampo?

Libra

I client sono pregati di lasciare libere le camera entro le ore 12 del giorno di partenza.

Scorpio

Chiudere bene dopo l’uso.

Sagittarius

Posso parlare con Dio, per favore?

Capricorn

Avete una stanza singola per una notte?

Aquarius

Qual èil suo numero di telefono?

Pisces

Le dispiace se apro la finestra?

*

Sun Sign Horoscopage: Out of Office Autoreply 26th October –8th November 2009

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1 Response to “Sun Sign Horoscopage: Out of Office Autoreply 26th October –8th November 2009”


  1. 1 Miraimaok October 29, 2009 at 6:35 pm

    sì, verrily


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