Sun Sign Horoscopage: 22nd–28th February, 2010.

Saturn is woken during Monday’s wee smalls by the Sun talking in his sleep. He tries to get back to sleep by reading one or the other of Stieg Larsson’s Ikea lists of novels. It very nearly works until Mercury notices the book and tries to tell him the ending.

The planet of wittering-on continues wittering-on about the book into Tuesday, when Pluto grabs the brick size hardback and lobs it at his head. The Sun applauds.

The Moon and Jupiter bake cupcakes for everyone on Wednesday. Which is nice.

Friday finds Mercury and Uranus grappling with one of those half-formed ideas that give them such glee. They draw diagrams and everything; it keeps them out from under the grownups’ feet. Mercury is so made up by the playdate that he giggles infectiously into Saturday, and Neptune and Chiron can’t help but smooch his cheek.

On Sunday the Moon puffs out her cheeks, scrutinising them for blackheads. Meanwhile, Jupiter takes his cupcake recipe and two pinnies around to the Sun. When these two get together, more is definitely more. Anyone fancy cake?

*

Aries

Things have been tired for a while. Although it’s a couple of weeks before you start to get your groove back, this week offers plenty of potential for roleplay diversion: doctors and nurses? Nurses and nurses? Doctors on doctors? Wimples, even? It’s all good if takes you out of yourself and into someone else for a bit.

Taurus

When marching with the Peoples’ Revolutionaries for Softer Sofas and Colder Beer this week, you lovely bulls, remember to stop and smell the flowers. In fact, why march? Take the whole revolt at a gentle stroll.

Gemini

Check your luggage, your orifices, and if possible avoid cross-border travel altogether this week, Gemini. There’s more than a chance that before the week’s out you’ll be braying like the drug mule you’re used as. Stay home and open a bottle instead.

Cancer

Wahey! Have you got brown sauce? Salad cream? Good, because midweek sees you updating some beardy bloke’s trick with loaves and fishes, using a crusty bloomer and a packet of Smartprice fish fingers. Watch your wallet at the weekend: you already have a perfectly serviceable washing-up brush and enough Mr Muscle to last until 2012. When the world will end anyway. Apparently.

Leo

There’s an awful lot of fiddle faddle in your house of close relationships this week. Just nod and say Yes dear, they’ll feel all important. You’ll be important though, which as we know, is what’s truly, um, important. Painting open eyes on your eyelids also works.

Virgo

It’s my birthday today, and I’ve just discovered that my no good husband forgot to order the Virgo Moon* t-shirt I requested**†  I’ll give it to each and every one of you this week instead, Virgos. Here you go. Wear it at the weekend, as you stomp unruly cities into mounds of easy-sweep brick dust. How’s that primal roar shaping up?

*For Virgo Moon days — my natal Moon’s in Capricorn.

**This sounds self-centered and tight until you understand that our pressie conversations usually go:

Him: What would you like for [insert occasion]?

Me: Surprise me.

Him: No, I’ll get it wrong. Tell me what you want.

†The kids gave me purple Converse so, you know, swings … roundabouts …

Libra

When it comes to good skin, I know more Librans with it than any other Sun sign. Still, there’s potential early on this week for a really juicy zit. Not to worry though: your ruling planet, beneficent Venus, in the house of health dries things up faster than an Oxy10 advert. They should hire you.  Next week: wrinkles.

Scorpio

Have you reprogrammed the security cameras, befriended the guard dog, wiped the hard drive, and hidden the explosives in the boss’s Hello Kitty desk organiser yet? If not, chop chop, you’ve only a couple more weeks until Asplodo Day, when it all ASPLODES!

Sagittarius

Ack. It’s a lovely day on Sunday, can you last out until then?

Capricorn

Have you seen Bedazzled? The 60s original with Cook and Moore, not the travesty remake of the noughties. Remember how Dudley Moore learnt the hard way to phrase his wish for Eleanor Bron with ultra-care? Your wish is our command this week, Capricorn, but the devil really is in the detail. We’re listening very carefully for ambiguous clauses, so be careful how you issue that dictate.

Aquarius

Your words can heal this week, Aquarius. Trouble is you’ll probably sound like an idiot.

Pisces

This is a funny old week for some of you to be having birthdays. Eeyore’s P.O.V is my pressie to you. On Eeyore’s birthday, Pooh gives him an empty honey jar — which was full when Pooh started off on his journey to the donkey— and Piglet gives Eeyore a small piece of damp rag — which was a red balloon, Eeyore’s favourite colour, when Piglet started off on his. This week, Pisces, instead of disappointment at an empty jar and a burst balloon, I predict that you — like Eeyore — will be delighted that the small piece of rag the Universe gives you with one hand fits into the empty pot it gives you with the other. It goes in! And it comes out! It goes in and out like anything.

*
Sun Sign Horoscopage: 22nd–28th February, 2010.

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6 Responses to “Sun Sign Horoscopage: 22nd–28th February, 2010.”


  1. 1 Gareth FW February 21, 2010 at 7:10 pm

    The husband has been duly reminded and the t-shirt is on its way. Sorry x

  2. 3 Morvah February 21, 2010 at 9:36 pm

    Thanks for the laughs – look forward to Sunday nights now!
    Happy Birthday !

  3. 5 Lesley February 22, 2010 at 12:04 am

    I might last out till Sunday, so long as I can make Lemon Meringue on Wednesday!!!


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