Sun Sign Horoscopage, 8th-14th March 2010.

First thing Monday, Mercury persuades Jupiter to give him a hand shifting boxes of A4 printer paper, envelopes and cardboard files to the door of the Leo castle, where Mars is currently staying.  Jupiter then bounces back to Pisces riverside cottage, while Mercury knocks. And waits.

Saturn’s sombre train of thought is derailed on Tuesday by Venus singing bawdy songs about lusty knights and their thrusting lances. Saturn sighs and waits, he knows from experience that she’ll run out of puff soon.

On Wednesday, Mercury gives up knocking for Mars, checks the docket, and swears under his breath — it says ‘stationAry’.

Thursday finds Mars finally arriving, panting, at the feet of the Universe. It’s been one hell of a long run back, but the All and Everything can’t half throw. He drops the soggy, tattered tennis ball in front of the Universe’s pink Converse, wags his tail, and waits for it to be thrown again. Then he’s off away, tongue lolling, an ecstasy of doggy chase. Good boy!

Venus is still singing on Thursday — about vicars and knickers this time, she does like a good rhyme. Pluto growls a single full-throated growl, and rips off a piece of duct tape …

Sunday finds Mercury telling the Sun about his week’s mistake, as they dibble their feet in the Pisces stream. It’s funny in retrospect, and they laugh until teatime.



A supervillain’s powers of eeeevil are typically formed when a single drop of radioactive kaboom is added to a vat of frustration, rejection, or simple misunderstanding. How have you found the last few months?  Have you built up an inner vat of frustration, rejection and misunderstanding? I’m asking because midweek provides that single drop of radioactive kaboom. You could add it to that vat of maudlin misunderstanding and obliterate us all, or you could drip it onto your heels and remember how it feels to be a supersonic superhero.


Everybody seems to be having a brilliant time without you. If it makes you feel better, pretend they’ve left you out because they’re planning to throw you a surprise party. And do stop comfort eating.


All is not lost, just temporarily misplaced. A midweek appeal to St Anthony to help you find your wits works a treat.


You know what you like and you like what you know. Sometimes it can be a bit closed shop, can’t it, Cancer. This week you know what you like and it’s more than you realised.


Just before Christmas, I took my daughter and a couple of her friends to a Little Boots gig. They wriggled off as close to the stage as they could, while I was squished, squooshed, squelched, squealed on, breathed on, coughed on, elbowed, kneed, and generally reminded that I’m five foot two. If you’ve been feeling similarly overwhelmed and frustrated recently, Leo, there’s good news: from midweek your view will improve, in fact you could have the best view of all — up there on the stage, looking down on the rest of us. Go on, give us a tune.


A sudden ripple in a puddle.
A subtle rattle of the majolica.
If you so choose, you are perfectly entitled to experience this week’s seismic sexiness as a slight ruffling of the petticoats.


Most people would get into big trouble for what you could get up to and away with this week. You jammy thing.


Set amps to eleven, Scorpio: your band, the Airborne Pathogens, have a gig this week. Although you’re listed as Leo’s support band, the kids in the coolest t-shirts are only there to see you. Wear shades.


First thing on Monday you find the answer. The rest of the week is spent trying to find the creased bit of cornflake box you wrote the question down on. Organisation’s not exactly your life skill, is it? Oh well, they’ll be plenty more questions, I’m sure.


Things to do, thing to do, crack on, hurry, scurry. The week taunts you with a vision of an alternate Universe, where you get to put your feet up on the sofa with a copy of TV Quick and twenty Rothmans Superkings.


You know, you only opened your mouth to say something nice. Why are they reacting like that? This week, Aquarius, the world is sent to try you, find you guilty, and send you down. Sheesh.


The opposite of a profound truth, said Niels Bohr, may well be another profound truth. Your week, Pisces, is a messy muddle filling sandwiched between thick slices of opposing profound truths. Yum. It’s good for what ails you.


Sun Sign Horoscopage, 8th-14th March 2010.

15 Responses to “Sun Sign Horoscopage, 8th-14th March 2010.”

  1. 1 RevJ March 7, 2010 at 7:53 pm

    cool blog…I’m already rustling my petticoats…lol

  2. 3 Angela Hackett March 7, 2010 at 8:12 pm

    He he think I’ll be making that appeal to St Anthony this week then

  3. 5 Karen March 7, 2010 at 10:08 pm

    Brilliant! I actually laughed out loud with Mercury and ‘stationary’!

    • 6 distractedastrologer March 8, 2010 at 7:10 pm

      Hello Karen, good to meet you. That ‘e’ and ‘a’ is a personal Mercury trip-up every time. I had to check yet again before posting–found out that stationers are stationers because they used to be fixed and stationary outside universities when most other sellers of stuff moved around. Makes sense, but now I know there’s a connection I’m even more likely to get them muddled. Hey ho.

  4. 10 Greg Daugherty March 8, 2010 at 3:08 pm

    Yes, excellent – making me laugh out loud when the tennis ball dropped and the tale wagged. Most excellent!

    • 11 distractedastrologer March 8, 2010 at 7:15 pm

      Hello Greg, thanks for dropping by. I couldn’t get my head around how or why such an essentially forward impetus as Martial energy goes backwards. What’s motivation could there be, apart from a soggy ball?

  5. 12 Morvah March 9, 2010 at 8:57 am

    Oh I shouldn’t think so – it’s probably graveyard dirt for hapless Venus and Mars, especially if they use the duct tape to tie their ankles together.

  6. 13 airsea March 10, 2010 at 9:13 am

    Just found you in the net- I’m so glad I did!!!
    😀 😀 😀

  7. 14 Kim March 12, 2010 at 5:08 am

    not only do you say things in a way that I totally get you say things that are actually true! its kinda like the distracted astrologer with x-ray glasses that can decloth mars and venus with neither non the wiser and then share with the world that they didn’t shave their bikini lines! (in other words you rock)

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