Sun Sign Horoscopage 22nd-28th March 2010

The Sun and Saturn start the week with a staring contest neither can win. The Aries Sun wants victory for himself, while Saturn wears the Libra shirt. It’s an uneasy draw. Saturn offers his hand, the Sun pulls his away last second, thumbs his nose and scarpers.

On Tuesday, Mars apologises on behalf of one of his signs. Saturn accepts the box of Quality Street, giving his favourite green triangles to Mars, putting the wrappers neatly in the bin. Meanwhile, Mercury and Neptune get the wrong end of a splintery stick.

Wednesday’s Chiron fetches the tweezers for Neptune’s palm and accidently sits on that stick. Ooch. Goodness knows who’ll tease the splinters out of there. Good job Chiron’s used to a bit of long sufferance.

Friday finds the Sun, still scarpering, bashing into Pluto as they turn a corner from different directions.

The weekend’s Virgo Moon cleans up all the mess and bandages the bumps.



You’ve got to get up and get on. Why can’t people understand this? Why do they get in your way with their letters to be signed and laces to be tied and cuppas to be drunk and cheeks and lips and boo boos to be kissed? You could mow them down to clear the way ahead, but you’d only trip up over the bodies.


Mind that vicar! No, I’m not telling you when — this is a week for keeping your eyes peeled and your wits wet and slippery. I said wits.


See this road sign? The English is clear enough to lorry drivers – but the Welsh reads ‘I am not in the office at the moment. Send any work to be translated’. You’ll need a bit of help from friends, rellies, and random people on the street this week. Make sure you speak clearly and ask in clear, simple words, as there is a real possibility that although you are saying Please Help, people will hear your out of office autoreply.


There’s only one way to handle the clash of egos and personalities at work this week: pull on a pair of comfy trousers, unroll a yoga mat, scrawl Out To Lunch on your forehead in marker pen, and assume as close to a lotus position as your creaky limbs can manage. ‘Til the weekend.


If you love someone, goes the saying, let them go. It’s not easy, is it? This week sees you loyally holding tight to someone or something you love, for fear it will escape and spin away, making the fat wet raspberry noises of an untied balloon. It’ll be okay: Mars in your sign and the Sun in Aries might not have spoken to each other since last weekend, but they are strong in mutual reception and giving each other a silent double thumbs-up. Really, it’ll be fine. You can loosen your grip a little … A little more.


If someone drops their purse this week, keep both of your hands in clear view as you help them pick up their change. Should you keep accounts, have someone read out the figures as you fill in the spreadsheet. I know you’re honest, you know you’re honest; this week is about making sure you’re seen to be honest. Therapy comes through creativity at the weekend: anyone for marathon macramé?


Grab Tuesday’s yang sextile between Saturn in your sign and Mars with both hands. It’ll feel a bit like a teasel, or one of those spiky balls you put in your tumble dryer. Anyway, it’s a chance to infuse your natural diplomacy with some authoritative oomph. (Oh, Libra, if in the first part of the week you’re given an opportunity unrelated to your own superb efforts, could you let me know? I’m having a bit of a poke around with sextiles at the mo. Thanks – and good skin, by the way.)


Someone will take something you say or do personally this week. Or it might simply be the way you’re standing that sets them off. Try not to take it personally in turn. Don’t attempt to rise above it — helium makes you squeaky and the Up escalator is out of order — delve below their reaction to see for yourself the shaky foundations of your doubters. (Should that be ‘dowturz’?)


Your friends might not be much fun this week, but they are good and substantial, which is what you need. This week, Saggy, fun makes you poor, while friends hold you up. It sounds like a good night out.


You know, I can’t touch type for toffee, yet I just typed ‘Capricorn’ without glancing at the keys. There, I did it again. This week, Capricorn, like my fingers, you can trust your actions. Do you have a lightsabre? If you do, use it blindfolded. Unfortunately, this trust doesn’t extend to colleagues, so unless you want a bruised coccyx, avoid that team building exercise where you fall backwards and expect to be caught.

I didn’t type ‘coccyx’ without looking. Perhaps I should have called it a monkey bone.


This week you write down your plans for a new world order, neatly bullet-pointing the changes necessary to create a balanced, interdependent society where reward equal effort, and the skills of the individual are recognised and valued. Press Save next time.


It’s an okay week this week Pisces. Nothing amazing, but a good time to expand your horizons. If it’s not so good for you, and you haven’t already done so, expand your horizons by entering your birth details at the excellent, looking at your whole chart, and doing a bit of poking around and research into why it’s not going so well. If you are one of the fish here who already know their chart better than the face and habits of their favourite celebrity crush, your horizon-expanding task is to learn all the words to Ernie, The Fastest Milkman In The West. You could ‘ear the ‘oofbeats pound, as they raced across the ground …


Sun Sign Horoscopage 22nd-28th March 2010

Sun Sign Horoscopage 22nd-28th March 2010


3 Responses to “Sun Sign Horoscopage 22nd-28th March 2010”

  1. 1 Morvah March 22, 2010 at 11:15 am

    Is Mercury talking to himself?

  2. 2 Morvah March 23, 2010 at 7:59 pm

    I’ll take that as a yes then! or have I got the wrong end of the stick?

    • 3 distractedastrologer March 28, 2010 at 8:40 pm

      Yes! No. I mean yes, no you haven’t got the wrong end of the stick.

      Sorry to leave you adrift, Morvah, it’s been a silly week of nothing but inner dialogue for my Mercury at least. Glad yours is working better.

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