Sun Sign Horoscopage 3rd–9th May 2010

Monday and Tuesday find the Sun, Saturn, Mars, and Uranus having knock-down drag-out scraps. You know that whirlwind effect that Warner Bros cartoons use to show fights? Where every so often a single hand, foot, or hat appears out of the maelstrom? Like that.

Mercury and Pluto make a different kind of killing by setting up a little stall to sell the celestial body parts as souvenirs.

On Thursday, the Moon pokes her head out of a window of the Aquarius house to tut at the Sun’s bruises, and to check he’s booked the Waitrose delivery for their meeting round at Taurus’s next week.

Venus, who has a tingling weakness for the bruises of conflict — sshhh, don’t tell — spends Thursday dabbing Mars with Savlon and breathing rather heavily.

Mercury notices, he doesn’t miss a trick. He asks Venus to make him an offer on for his iPhone footage of the scrap. Appearing horrified, Venus asks him where he keeps his morality and decency, before quickly emptying her purse and leaving for some private time with Mercury’s pen drive.

*

Aries

This is not the week for waving it around with a waggle of your hips. They will expect you to put your mouth where their money is. Either walk away quickly or find a good offer on mouthwash.

Taurus

I’m asking Leo to dig in their heels this week. For them, this means being stubborn*. For you, should you fancy it, this means a new angle on gardening footwear. It’s not a week for ease.

*Not much of a challenge there, I’m sure you’ll empathise.

Gemini

Life being all romp and tumble Beltane last week, I made up a new word — Rompous — as none of the old words quite fitted. There, I’ve just added it to my Word dictionary. I’m not sure how it is that Rompous is not already in the Oxford English Book of Being Smug at Scrabble, but there you go. This week has its problems and its charms, Gemini. Cure them by making up a new word to catch the essence of challenge and charm. Remember to get rid of the red underline by entering it in your Word dictionary. I would love to know what your new word is, if you fancy telling.

Cancer

When someone hands you a bucket of bees this week, it’s not to get you stung but because they think you like honey. Keep your voice soft, place the bucket under a tree, and check your sleeves for stragglers.

Leo

It’s not easy being you this week, but it’s necessary. Dig in your heels, and accept the pink wafer of grace that Friday brings.

Virgo

If life gives you lemons this week, learn to juggle citrus, then run away to join the circus. Alternatively, if your hand-eye coordination is rubbish and clowns bring you out in hives, make a strong gin and tonic. I’ll have one too. Thanks.

Libra

The glyph for Libra resembles, as well as the inevitable scales, a humpback bridge. There are plenty of those this week. Watch your speed if you want to avoid knackering your suspension.

Scorpio

Are you being pushed where you don’t want to go? If you don’t enjoy being herded, avoid acting like a sheep.

Sagittarius

Take this down: “Thank you for your kind invitation to join the Sect of the Rabidly Intolerant. I feel at this time I will have to refuse due to the pressure of other charitable commitments.”

Capricorn

Two of my Capricorn friends, who have never met, share solemn round eyes and a wise and welcome habit of thinking before they speak. I wonder if, on Monday, they like you will speak in a sudden rush, that leaves the eyes of those around them as wide and round as eyes can be. And I wonder if it will be their doing or their undoing. I suppose it rather depends on why they — and you — were keeping schtum to begin with.

Aquarius

On Wednesday, avoid the sign pointing to the Easy Way Out.  It leads to a dead end. Follow instead the Here Be Dragons sign. In the unlikely event that there is an actual dragon at the end, it will have the size, temperament, and silky ears of a cocker spaniel puppy.

Pisces

If someone likes honey, give them honey. Not a bucket of bees.

*

Sun Sign Horoscopage 3rd–9th May 2010

Distracted Astrologer is out of honey.

*

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4 Responses to “Sun Sign Horoscopage 3rd–9th May 2010”


  1. 1 kristina May 2, 2010 at 8:10 pm

    Dear Ginny – duly noted for Cancer and Pisces this week. I will do my very bestest not to pinch my beloved fishy hubby if he offers me a bee bucket 🙂

    Hugs from Canada!

  2. 2 aello May 3, 2010 at 12:58 am

    Patiencial: patience + potential. Very hard to say after a few medicinal meads. (Gemini Sun, Pisces Asc)

  3. 3 kitrik May 7, 2010 at 5:20 pm

    i love lyle’s golden syrup!!!


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