Sun Sign Horoscopage 17th–23rd May, 2010

It’s a big old week, this week. A week of epic themes, large portions and generous proportions. It’s a week for having a go. For major morality renovations without planning permission and building regs. For cheesy grins and dragon’s teeth and exposed nerves and root canals.

A week for pulling out the big guns, for ducking bullets and for taking a few. For calling up the big powers, and skipping their terms and conditions. If you want to do no more with this week than curling up with a book, make it a huge dynastic romp, a deep down and dirty saga, a toe-curling top-lip-sweating eyebrow-raising bodice-ripper.

It’s a larger than life week, a week for appealing to the gods, and of being their dirty playthings. Remember how the Olympian gods in Jason and the Argonauts idly swirled a finger and affected our fates? It’s that sort of a week, not that I believe in that sort of a fate.

Good, this life thing, isn’t it.

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Aries

Tiptoe through the mayhem tulips this week, Aries, and don’t let the old bent-baked crone who asks for help with her heavy basket of shopping slow down your progress. Yeah, she’s secretly magical and all that, but what’s three wishes when you’ve built up a good head of steam?

Taurus

Someone sells you out for half a dozen magic beans this week, Taurus. They should have checked between your legs first, you’re no milker.

Gemini

Aphrodite, the goddess of yum, was born from the bloody foam created when Cronos overthrew his dad, Ouranus. The first half of your week sees a replay.

And what of the second half? Chill the champers and grab your sunnies, Gemini, your birthday month is coming, and the cosmic spirograph of your Solar Return charts promise an interesting year ahead.

Cancer

The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune pause mid-chuck midweek, to ask you what perfume you’re wearing. Keep your mystique, they don’t need to know it’s gravy.

Leo

The first couple of days of next week could ruffle your mane. Consider it a free blow dry. Damn, you’re sexy. I keep telling you: you don’t mind, do you?

Virgo

Watch those I Can Do It All Perfectly Well Solo, Thank You competency vibes you put out early next week. A close work colleague will grab at your competence, express their big ideas by the medium of hand gesticulations, and expect you to have it all sorted by the time they come back from a caramel latte (extra shot) break. Sometimes it’s okay to fake being rubbish. Or even adequate. And it’s definitely okay to insist they bring you a frappachino.

Libra

If you give it a go when you know the outcome, are you giving it a go? My job with Libra this week is to keep my mouth shut; your job is to give it a go.

Scorpio

Don’t sow your magic beans on stony ground this week, Scorpio. Stick them in the rich compost of your dark thoughts and water them with bitter tears. Can’t wait to see what germinates. From a safe distance.

Sagittarius

Yes, play with the big boys this week, by all means. It can be fun. Just remember that the big boys sometimes like to sit on your head and fart.

Capricorn

Riddle me re: quick getaways, Capricorn. Making one on Thursday gets you away from the troll, but please don’t stray from the path. Just run along it really, really fast.

Aquarius

You can do this. The ogres, the bridges, the trials and tests, the riddles, the wolves, the locked towers and impenetrable hedges of thorn. You can do the lot. And the princesses, you can definitely do the princesses.

Pisces

Who fed you after midnight?

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sun sign horoscopage 17-23 may 2010A big week.

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sun sign horoscopage 17-23 may 2010 1

Incidental boobies? Smiley face? The Sun’s moving into Gemini – we can have both.

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4 Responses to “Sun Sign Horoscopage 17th–23rd May, 2010”


  1. 1 Morvah May 17, 2010 at 4:11 pm

    I AM the bent-backed flippin’ crone! Now who gets the wishes?

  2. 3 Joyeaux May 17, 2010 at 6:06 pm

    I have just discovered you and think you are hillarious. I love reading your website and am thankful you exist.
    Love, Joy (Sun: Cancer, Moon: Taurus, Rising: Taurus)


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