Interesting Times

I’m away for a little bit. Will be back for the horoscopages starting the week of the 14th of June.

If I get the opportunity. We will first need to escape the splatter smatter battering of Gemini New Moon newborn ideas on the 12^th. Those are hungry wish babies.

Which will only happen if, on the 10^th of June, we dodge the Geminis blitzkrieging our brain cells with concepts, catechisms, catalogues, cabs, contracts, confessions, critiques, canvassers, classmates, cars, contracts, and court reporters.

That’s if we are spared the pernickety fury of the 7^th June. For on that day Virgoans will take up arms against an unwashed sea of the rest of us. Beware every neatly brushed head of hair on this day, for a couple of feet below them will be a Splurge Gun cocked and loaded with fragrance-free dermatologically tested non-biological detergent and aimed straight at your grubby t-shirt. Leave. Leave quickly before they reach for the iron.

If you can leave. If you haven’t been flattened by the biggest bouncy ball of dog-collared bonhomie you ever did see be-doinging down your quiet cul-de-sac on June the 6^th. On this day the preacher will carry a megaphone, the quiet country vicar will demolish a scone in a single swallow and then reach for the Chorley cakes, the cyber proselytiser WILL BATTER YOUR INBOX WITH CAPS LOCKED, the happy clappy minister will wrassle and hogtie you until you submit to Kumbaya. Oh Lord. Hide. Do not answer the door. Do not hit Reply All.

If you have a door by then. If you have an Inbox. If you haven’t decided, at the end of May, that all is illusion, a dream within a dream, the work of wraiths, and you didn’t answer the telephone to see a wiggly digital green rainstorm.

And if you missed this, have you already been squashed by the road roller that popped out of reverse the day before? Are you now a Flat Stanley of duty, dedication and obligation?

If not, is it because you stepped off the road and onto a plane late tomorrow, with just your passport and a sudden pulse impulse to get up, up and away?

And if, by the time I get back, you haven’t done this? That will be because tomorrow you will overthrow or be overthrown. Be a courageous, rash, impetuous, extreme, dynamic, unstable, gyrating, detouring, erratic, incongruous, prodigious, miraculous guerrilla mutineer, or put the kettle on, set out two cups and wait for your so solid door to explode into splinters.

Otherwise, I’ll see you on the 13^th of June, for the week of the 14^th. I’m off to Cornwall. Gawd willing, you can find me and the Family Distracted in the Cobweb, with a pint of Tribute and a tall tale of large purple monsters on the M5.

There’s some weather out there. Take care, take photos, take a prophylactic, but don’t take an brolly.

*

*

This cautionary wahey was brought to you by: Uranus in Aries 27^th May, Full Moon in Sag 27^th May, Saturn direct 30^th May, Neptune retrograde June, Jupiter in Aries 6^th June, Mars in Virgo 7^th June, Mercury in Gemini 10^th June, New Moon in Gemini 12^th June. And by the number numpteen.

All times and dates are GMT/UT.

*